I have insomnia pretty often. Or sometimes I can fall asleep but only for a few minutes at a time. That’s what this week has been like. When you’re sleeping less than an hour a night, it doesn’t take long for the rest of your life to take on a surreal feeling. I keep hoping for a lucid moment where sleep deprivation magically produces some kind of enlightenment, but it isn’t like that. It’s more like swimming in Jello.
You can learn some strange things when you’re awake all the time. For instance, there’s a whole different population that is out and about at night. People who work night shift, students, the unemployed, and other insomniacs.
It's 2 a.m. on Wednesday morning. Time to go grocery shopping.
In general, I don’t think these nighttime people are aware of the daytime population, or vice versa. Being primarily a daytime person, I had no idea the nighttimers existed until recently. But they’re out there. Next time you wake up around 3 or 4 am to get a glass of water, just think that somewhere nearby, nighttimers are not only awake, but out paying bills, picking up prescriptions, talking on the phone with each other.
"Do you guys think Michael Landon is hot?" "Owl say!"
Even your brain works differently, if you don’t sleep enough. I think and talk much more slowly, and spend most of my time wondering if I look and sound as weird as I feel. This week, I’ve discovered two new possible symptoms. The first is that I keep noticing owls everywhere I go. It’s not totally unheard of to see an owl around where I live, but I saw three owls today. Could I be hallucinating? If so, why only about owls?
Second, and far more alarming, is that
I’ve developed a sudden, embarrassing attraction to Michael Landon. Yeah, Michael Landon, as in Pa on Little House on the Prairie. Before you call a doctor, I can see a vague connection to the insomnia here. The Hallmark Channel plays back-to-back episodes of the show from 2 am – 5 am. Perhaps I’ve been substituting the basic human need for sleep with…. Pa Ingalls? If that’s the case, I won’t complain anymore. Just thank God I’m not attracted to Almanzo. Al-man-zo.
