15 min are up

Andy Warhol Let Me Down

Andy Warhol once said: “In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes.”

At the time, this idea was dismissed as absurd by anyone outside the Studio 54 universe. Little did we know then that, in just a few years, Al Gore would invent the Internet and make Warhol a modern-day Nostradamus.

Screen shot 2013-08-11 at 5.54.21 PM

“When I got my first television set, I stopped caring so much about having close relationships.”

15 minutes can symbolize hope, the light at the end of the tunnel that keeps us going. (Remember Nick Lachey? Ha!) Don’t be misled by its brevity though: 15 minutes can really take a toll. Like in The Princess Bride, when the prince’s hatchet man tortures Wesley with a machine. After a few seconds, he turns it off and says: “I’ve just sucked one year of your life away.” That is just how I feel whenever I inadvertently hear Christina Aguilara or Lady Gaga sing. They suck so bad, three minutes of their singing takes years off my life.  

hung

Christina Aguilara looks more presentable than usual in this undated photograph

There may be one or two people in the history of celebrity whose fame ended before it should have… but they could be counted on the fingers of one hand.

The rare individual whose 15 minutes ended too soon!

At least one man’s 15 minutes ended too soon!

The problem is when people remain famous, long after the world has tired of them. It would take all night to list these awful individuals so I’ll just add a few pictures of the very worst:    

kardashian

Pictured: worst human ever

paris hilton twilight

lady-gaga1

Alex-Rodriguez-39389-1-402

I would seriously rather listen to her dad's Achy-Breaky Heart song on a loop for a solid week than see this kid

I would seriously rather listen to her dad’s Achy-Breaky Heart song on a loop FOR A SOLID WEEK than see this kid

Andy Warhol’s 15-minute prophecy helped me prepare for everything from the Real Housewives of Fort Wayne to Honey Boo Boo, but I am helpless when confronted with the terrible visage of Miley Cyrus.

I can’t help feeling disappointed in Andy – he never hinted at a world wherein the worst humans skyrocket to fame and refuse to fade into obscurity, but I think he felt it coming. Late in life, he stopped going out so much and started spending his time making time capsules. Maybe I will follow suit and adopt a hobby as a means of escape. I guess I could take to snorting bath salts, or join the competitive roller-skating circuit with FW. Who knows what the future holds?

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