Interview with a Wide-eyed Baby: Ted Cruz

Wide-eyed Baby

Wide-eyed Baby

Wide-eyed Baby (WEB): Hello, Senator Ted Cruz. You’re here late.

Ted Cruz (TC): Well, I’ve been campaigning all day. This wasn’t exactly at the top of the list of media outlets I talk to. Really, you’re fortunate I came.

WEB: As usual, you have managed to thoroughly charm your audience.

TC: I mean it, you are lucky. Not only do you have the Republican front-runner to interview, but I’m also a great guest. I don’t wander off topic, and I don’t complain, either (Cruz pronounces “either” like “eye-thur”).

WEB: What have you got to complain about?

TC: Some folks would complain of your smoking, for instance. Some people would be horrified to watch an infant smoke, in a futile attempt to appear as a hardened, street-wise reporter. I myself do not care.

WEB: I have to admit, it is a bit intriguing that you haven’t said anything about it.

TC: I’ll admit it’s odd that you smoke Kools. For a newborn, Virginia Slims might be more appropriate. But this isn’t about you and your search for a vice. It’s about me and my campaign. Don’t you have any questions for me?

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Kill the Mockingbirds: Steven Avery and Brendan Dassey

When I watched the Netflix documentary Making a Murderer, I was surprised at how familiar it sounded. How could it be? I’d never heard of the Averys or the case. But it felt like watching an old, familiar story play out, hoping it would end differently, and knowing it wouldn’t.

It took a few days to realize why it was familiar: it was because of To Kill a Mockingbird. Believe it or not, there are a lot of parallels.

In the first episode, Steven is released from prison. When he arrives at the family home, we see that, like the Ewells of Maycomb, the Averys have created an island of their own in Manitowoc county.

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From the poverty, the numerous children, the alcoholism, to the way they are regarded by their neighbors, the two families have a lot in common.

There are also differences: the senior Averys appear to be kind people who loved their children, and their home had a legitimate reason to be surrounded by junk: they ran a salvage yard. But poverty and ignorance make subtle differences hard to detect.

 

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Hope this comforts the Christakis

Politically Correct Millennials Seek Speech to Police

Each generation, has a pandemic – like AIDS and the Spanish flu – that claims countless victims before it is stopped by a coalition of committed doctors, researchers, and legislators.

Where do I sign up to help stamp out the Political Correctness afflicting so many Millennials?

The symptoms of the scourge are unmistakeable. The onset is identifiable by acute groupthink and aversion to any unsanctioned idea. Next, speech is affected, and the afflicted can no longer speak normally human for fear of “triggering” someone or creating an “unsafe environment”. The final stages of the disease are marked by increasing aggression.

Of course not. Now please take a tranquilizer.

Of course not. Take a tranquilizer.

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