Partridge Family Injustice

This post is dedicated to FW,
who enjoys laughing at the people on Intervention,
and who spent last Saturday night roller-skating
to the hits of the Partridge Family.

It’s the night of the last presidential debate. The leader of the free world will be determined in 15 days. Important questions of liberty and justice hang in the balance. Tonight’s post is about the Partridge Family.

You know what really bugs me? The constant dismissal of the Partridges as a legitimate musical group.  Is it because they were a TV show? So was The Monkees. Maybe because they’re a ‘family’ band? Yet the Osmonds sashay into musical discussions all the time.

This is what awesome looks like.

Whenever people talk about the Partridge Family, it’s always in the context of “Who’s better, the Partridges or the Bradys?” And the Bradys always win! It’s absurd. Sure, they have a few advantages. Leisure suits come to mind, as does astroturf.

Immerse yourself in the grooviness

But the only serious threat the Bradys could ever pose to the Partridges is Jan Brady. If the Partridges had managed to lure Jan away with promises of more money or better glasses, there would be no stopping them.

I’ll be generous and not delve too deeply into the hairstyles the Bradys were rocking late in their run, but lest we forget, here’s a picture at the height of their infamy.

And don’t even get me started on the musical comparisons! How can you compare Sunshine Day or Keep On with I can feel your heartbeat or It means I’m in love? Sister please.

Bass? Strummed.

I will admit the Partridges are not fine actors. Would that be enough to satisfy you? Danny Bonaduce strums (not plucks) his bass in every single scene. The weird sexual tension between Keith and Laurie is very unsibling-like, and the two little kids were clearly robots. And perhaps it’s somewhat atypical that Shirley was cool with hitting the nightclub circuit with her five children.

But remember, all actors except for Daniel Day Lewis suck. What are you going to do, write off the Partridge Family because they couldn’t get Daniel Day Lewis to play a bohemian cousin who gets into zany adventures with them? That’s just unreasonable. And at least they never invited random celebrities to do cameo appearances.

Because of my occasional policy of Total Honesty, I will confess my original interest in the Partridge Family was primarily Keith Partridge-related. He was pretty hot. I hate to admit that, because David Cassidy is abominably vain, and certainly doesn’t need any encouragement. But an occasional policy is an occasional policy, and must be strictly followed, when convenient.

I’m not sure what would help eradicate the injustice the Partridges have suffered since 1970. They’re definitely not getting in to the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame, thanks to a certain bass strummer. I think the least Time Warner Cable could do is have a Partridge network though. It certainly couldn’t be any worse than Storage Wars.

This video is a Partridge Family performance of I can feel your heartbeat. Pay special attention to the creepy laser focus of the little boy at 1:22. Unfortunately, there’s no clear shot of Danny Bonaduce strumming his bass, but you can take my word for it: it’s happening.


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